i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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