I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
