after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
