i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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