My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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