Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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