I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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