Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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