K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
