This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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