I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
