Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
