I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
