Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
