he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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