I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
