So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
