I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
