Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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