can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
