I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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