What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
