So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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