I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
