i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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