Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
