kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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