some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
