I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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