Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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