Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
