Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
