can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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