i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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