my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
