I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
