we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
