I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
