you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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