and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
