New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
