Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
