so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
