everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
