Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
