Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
