if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
