You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
