guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He did a backflip because drugs
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