I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
