even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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