Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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