now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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