then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
